MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Thursday, June 05, 2008~~

i m really really really really really, speechless.

today is the release of results for last sem. I heard it from a fren in lect today. I wasn't worked up but defeated internally alr. I was very prepared, for those who understands, really knew how bad it was for me to let high aims go, to steep to such struggling level and now to be ready to retake 2 subjects.

i avoided the tot of checking it at 12am. I went for a short jog, and it was a good thing tt i went out for dinner and have frens for companion all the way till 1+am. But when i returned back to hostel and saw the laptop, i decided to face it all. I tried loading like so many times but the net just go nuts. Thru' out the whole time, i was calm. I was awaiting to see the "U" sign for unsatisfactory just to confirm my predictions altho i hoped for a miracle.

Just when i decided for e last time, my results flashed right at my eyes and i cant digest it. Freaking 6 subjects. I passed it all. Not glamourous at all. But a miracle occurred, i m v v v sure. I thank e lord for it. really. Out of the 6 modules, i only had confidence in 3. The other 3, i failed it all be4 the finals.

My biochem, i failed it and i told my lecturer he wun see me again and i was determined so i was glad it worked out the way i hoped it would. BUT...i nv would have tot. Read my previous exam entries if u want. My maths. I need a freaking 70m just to pass, and i knew i lost more than 20+ cos i didn't finish..My physics...i only did 1 pathetic qn in my paper..1 pathetic 20+ mark qn in my paper...i noe i dun deserve them..but wherever the power came from, it made me pass...My jaw literally dropped. Not becos like how i tot it would be. I tot my jaw would drop cos i failed..but my jaw dropped cos i passed. Ironic? I dun think so, anymore.

Altho my GPA has dropped tremendously..may not even get my honors with such results..but..I m really speechless to see that i passed it all. I duno wad to say. I noe i was an asshole last sem..I made a promise to god, if i m really granted the chance to pass all my modules this sem, i will try my v best next sem..cos i noe wad is hell like here. Its beyond words. Its freaking incredibly horrendous. I will do my v v v v v best. Even if i may nt get to aim as high, i will put in the effort.

Many would have just shake their heads and say sth like, "see i told u alr. u sure can pass de. Ur calibre so high..i dun believe u will fail." But come on...really get to noe wad i m going thru and how i m really feeling and u will noe how pissed i can get if i hear such comments from some pple sometimes. Thanks for thinking i m so capable. Maybe i was, once such a high-flyer, but i m now just a small shrimp for all tt i noe. ha.

i m still in a utter state of shock. U gave this to me, thank u...I will try my best. I will try to fulfil my promise.

U made me believe u exist.

2:03 AM